Hi! You may know me as woodburner. Or hey, you may not. Anyway, this is a mostly open journal - subscribe/unsubscribe at will, no need to ask permission. :)

I just have one thing to say about the spoilers I've been seeing for Umineko 6.







IDEK ANYMORE. I JUST. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I AM BEING TROLLED SO HARD jesus god my head hurts.

incidentally it would be the greatest thing ever if that face was actually in the game and just suddenly popped up as you were reading along, and by "greatest thing ever" I mean FUCKING JESUS SHITTING TIT BALLS I WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN



you're welcome

Leave it to Ursula Vernon to make an epically hilarious post out of rage-inducing idiocy - "Stuff I Should Not Do In The Morning: Read articles about how men's rights groups are getting pissed because women's rights groups are going to Haiti to offer aid to vulnerable women."

My favorite bits:

"Leaving aside that apparently the notion of "aiding women" has been conflated in these people's minds as 'lesbian paratroopers with pink machine guns will be kicking away the hands of dying men while women are showered with maxi-pads, chocolate, and aromatherapy candles'..."

Also:

"The outrage of a gentlemen at "Men's News Daily" that apparently men and boys didn't deserve "hygiene supplies" gave me one of the only laughs in this whole business. Oh, honey....If you really really want to distribute tampons to the poor tampon-less men of Haiti, I will buy you a case out of my own pocket."

My least favorite part? Learning that rape was not made a criminal act in Haiti until 2005. 2005. Holy crap nuggets on a cracker, I can't even...



RELATEDLY!

I am offering a bundle of custom-made incense over on help_haiti - my thread is here.

(Btw, that was supposed to say "e.g.", not "i.e."; now it kind of sounds like I'm saying you have to choose between those three things instead of giving those three things as an example, s-sob.)

I just finished playing Umineko 5. ...HOW COULD IT STOP THERE OGOD GIVE ME 6 NOW AUGGGGGHHHHHH BEATRICEEEEE ;____________;

- Re: Battler becoming the Endless Sorcerer, I had been spoiled for it but it was NO LESS AWESOME for me having been spoiled. SO EPIC. And then Ronove shows up and calls him "your majesty" and I am like, aw yeah, shit is 'bout to go DOWN.

- D-did I mention that I really like Ronove? Fandom, where is my Ronove/Battler/Beatrice sandwich? I know you are not going to make me do this myself, right?

- I like how this game made absolutely no sense and stopped before it actually EXPLAINED ANYTHING AT ALL, and by "like" I mean l;dakfj;alksdjf;l DAMNIT RYUUKISHI07. Congratulations, you managed to make all of the past games completely baffling given all this new information.

- Surprised (and rather pleased) to discover that my impression of Natsuhi as being not very bright was completely incorrect. I still can't really like her, but I no longer dislike her either, and this game managed to make her into an intelligent, three dimensional, and highly interesting person. And I loved she just took charge in the wake of her husband's massive fail, despite having given off the impression of being a flighty flibbertigibbet previously.

- And on that note, have I mentioned how great the women in this series are?

- Otoh, their apparent efforts at making me find Kinzo likable fail. He was often hilarious in this game, but seriously, it is not possible to like such a repulsively sexist jackass and I still cannot fathom Natsuhi's adoration of him. Actually, it's even more incomprehensible now. I mean seriously, how did that happen? How do you go from "This man has in essence kidnapped me and forced me to marry his son" to adoring the guy as a father figure? I mean, what?

- Also surprised to find out that my long-standing assumption that Lambda and Bern harbor repressed lesbian lust for each other was false.

...Because it's not exactly repressed.

Bern: I'll have to give you a full body massage later in a hot bath, with marshmallows and konpeito. ...Until your all your skin comes off.
Lambda: Oooh, I'll hold you to that promise. *slurp*

I swear to god, I am not making this up. Holy shit, those two are tripping balls. And all I've got to say is, Damn, Bern, where do you get off sneering at Beatrice's sexual tastes?

- Dlanor. Just. Dlanor. SHE'S AWESOME.

- This series? Is the the most meta-tastic story I have ever encountered. I mean, it's not like it wasn't already meta-tastic before, but... Dlanor fights with Knox's Decalogue, seriously? Seriously?

Also, upon looking that up, I notice that no one ever mentioned Knox's 5th in the game. "No Chinaman must figure into the story." W-what. No, really, what. I uh guess I can see why the game conveniently ignored that one.

- Am I the only one who's really worried Beatrice is going to turn out to be Battler's mom or something? At this point I can't help but think that we're supposed to wonder that, and if it doesn't turn out to be a red herring, then it's the most EPIC TROLLING EVER.

- Beatriceeeee. ;______; Battler, you better hurry up and revive her, or I shall be very put out. :<

eta: Oh! And does anyone know if those extra tips are translated anywhere? I need that Valentines Day/White Day thing. NEED.

Poking head out after five days of vegging on the couch. Seriously, body, seriously. This is excessive.

So anyway, I had this dream just before I woke up today that there was this shadow box display on a wall somewhere, and it had my entire fourth grade class in it - as in the whole school's fourth grade (which wasn't very big, mind you). It was alive in the way of paintings and photos in Harry Potter. I marveled at one of the teachers giving another teacher a shoulder rub, and at the realistic-looking food they were all eating.

I wondered what the food would taste like, so I climbed in and started sampling it. It tasted edible, but dry and cardboard-ish; none of the picture people seemed to notice it wasn't very good. I recall worrying that since the people weren't "real", that the food wasn't "real" either, and thus might be made of substances inedible for humans and might make me sick. Also, some of the food was very bizarre for no apparent reason, like a cake made to look like an open, bloody mouth, with a white glaze drizzled over it to look like drool. (A real Cakewrecks candidate if I ever saw one, if only dream!cakes qualified.)

For some reason it never occurred to me that a younger me might be somewhere in the box. Very odd, in reality that's probably the first thing I'd think of, not the food, for chrissake.

...

A much more hilarious dream I had a couple of weeks ago and never had time to blog:

I woke up in the middle of the night in my bedroom, which was not my actual bedroom in reality but a ritzy room with three huge windows that went all the way to the floor. For some reason the blinds were open, and there was a group of college kids walking up by the windows, staring at me.

I was annoyed by this and didn't want them looking at me, so I got down on the floor hoping they wouldn't see me there. But they did, walking right up to the window and looking down at me on the floor and making fun of me for no apparent reason. I was rather miffed and so taken aback I didn't know how to react. Then they started doing something with my windows, sawing out the frames and replacing them with very... strange wooden objects that made my windows bulge out in odd ways and rattle.

I don't even know, okay, whatever it was, it wasn't physically possible, but the important part is, somehow, when they finally left, I realized this was ALL BREAK'S FAULT.

Yes, it was all a fictional character's fault. SO! While muttering indignantly to Dave, I called Break up on my cellphone. I got an answering machine message, and after the beep I started ranting about THESE DAMN KIDS THAT WON'T GET OFF MY LAWN and DO YOU KNOW HOW RUDE THEY WERE TO ME and WHAT ON EARTH HAVE THEY DONE TO MY WINDOWS and WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE UP TO. And then on the other end of the line I heard a "hmm."

DAMNIT BREAK I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING BEING AN ANSWERING MACHINE YOU BETTER TALK TO ME THIS INSTANT I said.

Then he cheerfully admitted his deception in a sugary-sweet tone and wondered why I was so upset, didn't his people make my windows look much nicer, surely this was an improvement!

Cue me flipping my shit at him because NO GODDAMNIT WHAT IS THIS SHIT ALL OVER MY WINDOWS and THEY WERE MAKING FUN OF ME IN MY OWN BEDROOM WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU and I EXPECT SOME COMPENSATION FOR THIS YOU ASSHOLE.

Right about then I woke up and stared at the ceiling for a while until it sank in what I'd just been dreaming, and then I went "oh my god WHAT." Man, I don't even know.

(At least my subconscious can keep a random!Break in character, I guess?)

"Kiddy Girl-and"

AND WHAT?!

God, I hate it when people don't finish their damn sentences.

This is a lemur picture. And by lemur picture I mean it was painted by a lemur.

No, really. It was painted by a lemur. One of Dave's sisters works with lemurs at the zoo, and she gave it to me.

Idek why they've got lemurs painting, okay, but I have a picture painted by a lemur, and that's kind of awesome.

So recently I saw where someone was pointing out the parallels between the Hogwarts houses and the four duke houses in Pandora Hearts, and I realized, oh my god, I have just been assuming that connection on such a deep level that I hadn't even really given it conscious thought. Like, I was thinking of it as "Harry Potter symbolism" or something. Wtf, self, Harry Potter symbolism? Do I think that HP is some kind of religious text? Idek.

I guess it's because PH is so full of references to other things already that it just didn't occur to me to find it odd until someone pointed it out as odd. I mean, Alice in Wonderland, Sherlock Holmes, Wizard of Oz... Maybe she would have even used the Hogwarts house names if she could have gotten away with it. XD;

(Although probably not, since having Raven be the special chain for what's obviously PH's Slytherin would have confused things terribly.)


ALSO, OH MY GOD someone finally scanlated that little comic from PH 8.5! OZ, YOU ARE TERRIBLE. JUST TERRIBLE. Sometimes I wonder why Gil doesn't seem to see that his precious master is the world's biggest little asshole. Although I can hardly blame Oz, as I would probably be horrible to Gil if it got him to make those faces, too.

- And on the subject of prompts! KJ Bishop is putting together a short story anthology, and is asking for story prompts over on her blog. If she writes a story based on your prompt and it makes it into the book, she'll send you a free copy, signed and personalized.

- It would be nice if I could make it off the couch for longer than five minutes at a time. I am so. tired. (For absolutely no reason, as usual.)

I have been extra-lame about replying to comments and such-like recently (granted, I usually maintain a baseline level of lame), so apologies if I've inadvertently ignored you.

- Wow, what a douchebag. (Warning: Homophobic crazy-pants frothing at the mouth behind that link.) Now there's a writer I can guarantee I'll never read. eta: Read Jeff Vandermeer's hilarious comments on the subject. (Gave me a chuckle, anyway.)

- So, funny thing from the other day that I forgot to post about. You know those obnoxious door-to-door magazine salespeople? The "I have a chance to win blah blah blah if I sell enough of this crap" people? Yeah, we got one of those despite the "no soliciting" sign at the entrance to the neighborhood. So there's this knock at the door and Dave goes to answer it, and the guy's first words:

"Hi, I'm just your friendly neighborhood pedophile! :D"

...Yeah, hon, I don't know where you got that idea for an ice-breaker from, but it is, shall we say, ineffective at best.


- Another thing I keep forgetting to post about: whitewashing book covers is nothing new, but pretending you did it for the sake of the story is a pretty wretched new one on me. The author herself, Justine Larbalestier, talks about how her US publisher, Bloomsbury, whitewashed the cover of her book Liar, putting a white girl on the cover when the protagonist is black. rachelmanija also has a post about it here. Both of those posts sum things up better than I could, but what really burns me the most about the whole business is summed up in this quote:

“I do think it’s going to raise awareness of race in teen literature to new levels,” said Cecka. “Clearly, our striving for ambiguity with this cover, and for it to be interpreted as a ‘lie’ itself didn’t work for everyone. But again, if this jacket proves a catalyst for a bigger discussion about how the industry is dealing with its books on race, that’s a very large good to come of this current whirlwind.”

Yes, because it's not like you were deliberately buying into the racist assumption that black people on book covers won't sell or anything. You did it for the story. Even though the author herself told you the protag was a black girl - clearly you know more about the story than she does! And you're just so concerned about racial issues in the industry; that's totally why you perpetuated the long-standing, racist tradition of white-washing characters of color on book covers - it was to ~open up a dialogue~! Clearly, you deserve a medal for this service you have done.

Oh please, gag me with a spoon.

Anyway, if you're also displeased and would like to let Bloomsbury know, you can contact either Deb Shapiro or Melanie Cecka at deb.shapiro@bloomsburyusa.com and melanie.cecka@bloomsburyusa.com.

- W-would making it a friending meme for small fandoms and sticking it on small_fandoms be a good idea, you think? I think it might help revive interest in the comm, but maybe I am wrong and it would just annoy people.

- I keep wanting to make jokes about Shoyeido/Baieido slash but my usual readers would be like, "what?" and random folks looking for incense reviews would run terrified in the other direction.

It would be a very snarky love. Baieido would be all overbearing and Disapproving because Shoyeido is far too flamboyant and it's simply indecent! And Shoyeido would think Baieido is a stuffy prick who needs to loosen up, possibly with a good boning.

CUE ANGRY SEX. Fragrant angry sex.

(...Oh my god, if you just wandered in here unsuspecting I am so sorry. I would tell you that I'm not usually like this, but it would be a dirty lie.)

I wish I could draw. I would totally do the fanart.

- Pandora Hearts ch. 39: MOCHIZUKI. PLEASE DO NOT DO TERRIBLE THINGSSSS.

Look, all I am saying is, this arc better end in the same gooey feel-good way all the rest of them have. D:

Probably I will have more to say when there are translations and I have more than the most cursory grasp on what happened.


- Kuroshitsuji ch. 35: THIS MANGA HAS BECOME LIKE A TRAIN-WRECK. I am horrified, yet I can't look away.

Also omgwtfLAWNMOWER. (Dave is noodling at a story involving grim reapers. I keep telling him he should give the girl a lawnmower, but he will not listen to reason.)


- Haruhi ep. 6: KYOANI, GO DIAF.


- So, what if, um, what if I did one of those pan-fandom friending memes?

I just found this on my hard drive. I THOUGHT I WOULD SHARE THE LOVE.

Canaan ep 2:

In this episode we are treated to:

- cheery photographer girl being a complete wackjob and having absolutely no fear of death;

- crazy lady in the Chinese dress and her disturbingly incestuous obsession with her sister, who ignores her;

- her sister being a total psycho badass;

- a cheerfully psychotic, homicidal old geezer with what I think is a submachine gun;

- old geezer's shota caretaker, voiced by everyone's favorite shota actress;

- a battle on top of a bus that ends in a human barbeque;

- and George motherfucking Nakata as a random maniacal taxi driver, singing along happily with vapid J-pop and driving off a fucking building.



(They are being chased by people who intend to murder them in this picture. You may notice that neither the girl nor the taxi driver seem to evidence much concern.)

In short, everyone in this series is out of their minds and OH MY GOD GEORGE NAKATA I HAVE MENTIONED LATELY THAT I LOVE YOU.

I uh, still have no idea what the hell is going on, but it has something to do with Bloody X some engineered virus called the Ua virus. I still haven't found it in myself to care that I have no idea what's going on, either. I was too busy having my eyes explode repeatedly due to too much awesome.



I rest my case.

...

As a side note, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya S2 episode 5: Considering the kind of hijinks the creators got up to with the first series, I expected shenanigans, but wow, KyoAni, you have got some balls.

Okay, so I just took my stew out of the microwave and it seriously just... exploded. Twice!

...it's not even all that hot...

Ffff. So instead of filling other people's prompts like a reasonable person, I got a ridiculous branewurm from one of my own prompts and had to write it right away.

Title: Big Bad Red Riding Hood
Fandom: Pandora Hearts
Pairing: Lottie/Oz
Rating: PG-13
Comments: Oh dear god I'm going to hell.

>> Little Red Riding Hood (is a wolf)

Right. Now let me get down to to actually filling some prompts.

So Micheal Jackson is dead! And this apparently briefly took down livejournal oh my god what. In fact, maybe this is just on my end or something, but half of the ENTIRE INTERNET seems to be going really farking slow.

I really had no idea Micheal Jackson dying was such a big deal. I should think the business in Iran might have a bit of priority?

...Wait, what am I saying. When has the public ever cared more about real news than about celebrities.

...

ANYWAY! Pandora Hearts episode 13!

...Wait, um, guys, I think... this isn't really the time to be giving into your lustful urges... um... You know what, never mind. ( NSFW. Sort of. Ahaha. )

ASIDE FROM THAT. Animation quality took another nosedive, unfortunately, but it's still not as bad as it was in the beginning. Also, at least they animated Jack half-decently there at the end! Cheshire himself could have been better, but also could have been worse. Also, I am excited by the preview - I was totally worried they were going to leave out Jack being all touchy like they did before. (I'd call it "bad-touchy", but somehow it just never comes off as skeevy when it's Jack invading people's personal space. I don't know how he does it. Maybe Vincent got the habit from him. VINCENT, IT DOES NOT WORK FOR YOU, HONEY.)

Three things left out that annoyed me:

1) Vincent molesting Liam/Reim/whatever-the-hell-his-name-is in his sleep. The only thing Vincent is good for in my book is the humor resulting from the way everyone goes "D: D: D:!!!" at his antics, so why take that out?! :< (Well, I suppose he's also good for making Break go ":E" a lot.)

2) Oscar flipping over the table. I ♥ Oscar adorableness. Whyfore you take it away? Sadface.

3) Raven attempting to use Raven and discovering that's a bad idea. He didn't even attempt to use his chain! I wanted to see that animated. :<<< (For that matter, when are we going to get to see him use it for real, Mochizuki?!)

...

eta: Stoned wallabies make crop circles!

I am disturbed by how much of Gil's thought process I postulated in this fic was actually laid out in the new chapter. (Spoilers, obvsly.)

Other thoughts: DSKJFL;kdfjlsakdfjSD Dkfljs adk fffgh OH MY GOD, THIS CHAPTER. Oz! What! Gil! You are what?! JACK, WHY ARE YOU SO AWESOME. AHHHHHHHH CAN'T TAKE IT.

I, I don't think I can manage anything more coherent than that.

...

As for the new Kuroshitsuji, I am becoming increasingly disturbed by Toboso Yana's use of vomiting as an excuse for fanservice. This month really pushed it to new heights! Ciel raepface = actually vomitface = Ew. I AM NOT SO INTO VOMIT, KTHX. :X

Re: Pandora Hearts ep 11 - dot dot dot...





W.
T.
F.

Break's bad-touch levels are suddenly OVER 9000!!! Except. Playing with someone's hair and then... licking... your fingers???... That isn't simply bad-touch, it's just plain weird.

I think the whole bit with Alice being EXTRA naked in these past couple of episodes was an attempt to counterbalance the sheer gay flying around. I... I'm not sure that it worked.

This episode seemed unusually short for some reason. Sadface.

eta: Also, why do I suspect that's the first time Raven's ever seen a mostly naked girl? Oh, honey.

Two short PH fics! First one was written for the Porn Battle going on on Dreamwidth.

Title: Nostalgia (Prompt: "Different")
Pairing: Raven/Oz
Rating: R-ish
Comment: Spoilers if you haven't read past ch. 7, but that pretty much goes for any Raven/Oz fic...

>>They are thirteen years old.


Title: How to Tame a Raven
Pairing: Alice/Raven (yes, you read that right, don't judge me)
Rating: PG

>>'I already said it, didn't I?' she said, smirking. 'You don't have a choice.'

---

So yesterday there was this big storm. The sky turned green. For about 10 minutes before it hit, there was this... noise. This terrifying noise like nothing I've ever heard before. It sounded sort of like a jet was passing over, but it just... never... stopped. I went outside and it was loud enough to make the ground rumble a little. A dude walking by on the street saw me and yelled, "Have you ever heard a sound like that?!"

Seriously, it made my hair stand on end. I wondered if it was a tornado but I couldn't see one anywhere. Does anyone know what phenomenon created that freaky sound?