So the other day I dreamed that I engaged in an epic battle with Ray effing Bradbury to save my friends.

He had kidnapped them! With magic! Because they had read his books, he managed to put them under some magical hypnosis and compel them to crawl down this twisty, narrow tunnel into his UNDERGROUND LAIR. ...Which was a cozy library where he was just chillin' in a wheelchair by the fireplace with a comfy blanket over his legs.

So anyway, I crawled down after them and challenged Mr. Bradbury! And okay, so the battle wasn't really all that epic, it was more a low-key sort of magical battle of wills thing, utterly lacking in fireballs and lightning bolts, BUT IT WAS STILL AWESOME. And I beat him!

So then, as we took our leave, we stole a bunch of his books - his books, the ones he had written - each taking an armful. My two friends crawled out before me, and Mr. Bradbury called after me, saying, "You know, I'm just going to get a hold over them again if they keep reading my books!"

Well, I thought this was kind of presumptuous of him, and I didn't want him to get too full of himself, so I said, "How do you know we're planning to read them?"

"What else are you going to do with them?!" he laughed.

He had me there. Annoyed, I muttered, "Yeah, yeah, whatever," and crawled out. (Perhaps I should have told him we were going to burn them. Give him a nice apoplexy!)

Once out on the street again, my two friends and I got into a car. The friend sitting in the seat next to me opened up a book and started reading. I reached over and slammed it shut. "You idiot!" I said. "At least wait until we've got some distance between him and us, or he'll just have you right back down there!"

"Oh, right..." she said vacantly, as if she'd been so intent on reading that that thought had never even occurred to her.

I head-wheeled, realizing that this was going to be a never-ending problem.

Conclusion: Take care when reading Ray Bradbury, for he is an evil mastermind who will take over your brain.