Hi! You may know me as woodburner. Or hey, you may not. Anyway, this is a mostly open journal - subscribe/unsubscribe at will, no need to ask permission. :)

So this kind of hilarious thing happened, right. At least, I found it kind of hilarious, but I have a questionable sense of humor.

I woke up this morning from a dream inexplicably involving Eric, Sookie, Bill, and D (as in Vampire Hunter D), and there was this secret group of some kind of super-powerful, Japanese supernatural being moving in on, I don't know, Vampire Land's territory? Somebody's territory, anyway. Only when the Japanese supernatural beings showed up, they were all white. And I don't mean white-skinned Japanese people (or white-skinned Japanese monsters or whatever), I mean white people. I - well, for a very loose value of "I" - I wasn't in the dream, these were just my thoughts as I was watching - anyway, I was baffled by this when they showed up, as it didn't make any sense, and it started making me feel so uncomfortable that I got really distracted from the proceedings. And yet there was this eye-rolly feeling of resignation and total lack of surprise, too.


Dave: "...Wait, you were complaining about the whitewashed casting... in your dream?"

Me: "...yes?"

Dave: "Okay, you only have yourself to blame for that."


WHITEWASHING, Y'ALL. EVEN OUR DREAMS ARE NOT SAFE.

OH MY GOD THE SOCIAL TERRORIST OH MY GOD THE HORROR

Do not ever just "drop by". CALL FIRST. Never, EVER, EVERRRRR show up at my door wanting to hang out without calling first, or I will probably begin to hate you very quickly. My house is my safe place! My shining bubble of peace! The place where I do not have to be seen or heard or see or hear! CONTROL OVER THE SAFE PLACE IS SACRED. DO NOT VIOLATE THE SAFE PLACE.

I don't understand why anyone does this! It boggles my mind! That there could be people out there that think showing up at someone's home unannounced is an acceptable thing to do! I assume it is because they, too, have people show up at their house unannounced and it doesn't bother them at all! WHICH MEANS IT'S LIKE THEY ARE OF AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT SPECIES. THEY DO NOT THINK LIKE EARTH PEOPLE. This is why I can't bear 80% of extroverts.

Unless your arm is off and you need me to take you to the hospital or to call 911, or you have had sudden dire finance implosion and have no way of contacting me whatsoever and you want to let me know that, you do not "drop by". The only way this is even vaguely acceptable is if you left something at my house or you need to drop something off, but you should at least call on the way if it's in any way possible, or have let me know that you'll be by sometime today, or SOMETHING.

(Also omg "the trap" ahaha, her bird-like head-swivel! HAVE YOU TRIED THE VEGAN SOYBEAN SHAKE YOU CANNOT ESCAPEEEEE)

I have come to the conclusion that although I am slightly more attracted to men than women, the range of what I find attractive in men is way, way narrower than what I find attractive in women. I mean, it's not like I'm attracted to all women or anything, but there's no one type of woman that does it for me. Of course I have an especial thing for the slender, hard bifauxnen type, but beyond that, thin women, thick women, tall, short, fair, dark, sultry, boyish, it just... doesn't really matter about specifics.

Sorry guys, I only like select specimens among you. :P


Incidentally, this morning I was having these crazy, vivid but disjointed dreamlets that were all sort of loosely linked together; they involved a lot of lesbian sex between several pairs of people and NAKED ERIC (from True Blood) and I just...

my subconscious is very confused okay

Went to the SS office today b/c I needed to request a new SS card. Lady that helped me had freaking gold eyes. They were amazing. Didn't look like contacts either. I'm sitting there thinking, "She's pretty..." and then she looks up and I'm like, WHOA.

MARY SUE EYES. YOU HAVE GOT MOTHERFUCKING MARY SUE EYES LADY WHAT THE HELL.

I wish I had Mary Sue eyes... ;_;

AHAHAHAHAHAHA GASPPPPP I CAN'T BREATHE IS THIS SERIOUSLY FOR REAL

http://community.livejournal.com/kuroshitsuji/501744.html

KUROSHITSUJI FANDOM: YOU HAVE BEEN TROLLED

BARRING ENDLESS EIGHT THIS IS THE MOST MAGNIFICENT TROLLING OF A FANDOM BY ITS OWN CREATORS I HAVE EVER SEEN

For those of you who don't have access to the comm and don't want it:

( spoilers for Kuroshitsuji anime season 2 )

HAH omg, this is the most random, inexplicable ad ever. (Click for the full size.)



Text in the little box:

Cheese O.K.'d by the Food Administration! Indeed it is: all dairy products are urged in place of other foods.

Cheese can be served in many ways as the principle dish of a meal: the familiar rarebit is only one of them.

In all of them the flavor is heightened and enriched by cooking. The same applies to tobacco - flavor is much improved by cooking. Try Lucky Strike Cigarette - it's toasted.

Exactly what is the message here?! "CHEESE! IT'S SO FUCKING TASTY! AND SAFE TO EAT! THEREFORE SMOKE OUR CIGARETTES."

How is this a logical progression of ideas.

So at this point I have started no less than 4 kink_bingo fics. Have I finished any of them? Of course not. This becomes especially funny when you realize the first one I actually started only needs like, a few paragraphs more. Attention span. I haz it.

Also, one of the stories is not even in the same line as the others. God, this story is so weird, you guys, I can't even. I don't know, I had this dream, okay, this fucked-up Break/Gil dream, and it was all because of that anonymity square, and I had no choice but to write it, because for some reason fucked-up Break/Gil porn is about the easiest and most enjoyable thing to write in the whole entire world and it just started pouring out onto the page.

No, I do not understand this. It does no good to question it. I just write the shit, man.

(For the interested - currently on my plate: Beth/Gwynn, The Etched City, tattoos/tattooing; Beatrice/Battler, Umineko, rough sex; Eclipse/Raenef, Demon Diary, washing/cleaning; and from out in left field, Break/Gil, Pandora Hearts, anonymity.)

...

I had this bizarre, bizarre dream yesterday. It had what were essentially clones of Moko and Kyoko from Skip Beat. It was magnificently slashy, but. Well. It took place in this supremely sinister and strange supernatural world which I don't even know how to describe in words because it makes no sense to the waking mind.

( Apparently my brain thinks that Kyoko and Moko should have hair-raising, girl-lovey adventures in some kind of magnificently creepy alternate dimension. )

Yeah, this would pretty much be the strangest, most inexplicable AU in the history of ever.

So I had the disturbing realization today that I don't remember how to do long division. I mean, this is like, pretty basic math, isn't it? Do I seriously not remember how to do anything past adding, subtracting, multiplying, and the kind of simple division where the numbers have the decency to make some goddamn sense?

Man, forget remembering anything from high school algebra, I'm pretty sure we learned the basics of long division before I even got out of elementary school.

I feel like my brain was just waiting for a moment when I wasn't looking and then it like, opened up the top of my skull on a hinge and started GLEEFULLY throwing this shit out, like "WHEEEEE! \:DDD/ NOW I CAN FINALLY GET RID OF THIS CRAP!" It's forming a trail behind me as I wander around and I'm all blissfully unaware, like "doo dee doo, let's internet!" and as I sit there with the blue glow on my face I start drooling a little as I slowly become stupider and stupider, and I have no idea what the hell is happening to me.

Realizing that you spent all those hours being tortured in a classroom having lots of numbers and funny symbols and formula hammered forcefully into a brain that considers them tantamount to poison and that all those hours were pretty much useless because now you don't remember any of it is sort of... soul destroying.

God, I hate math.

eta: OH! And everyone should check out the Small Fandoms Friending Meme that inkstone is hosting on DW.

After watching 4 episodes of Hana Yori Dango (Japanese drama version), I am forced to conclude that it is actually two entirely different shows mashed together. One of them is absolutely hysterically funny and charming! The other is INTENSELY DISTURBING AND INFURIATING.

There is so much OH MY GOD JUST WHY WOULD YOU EVER in such a short space I can't even -

Okay so, let's have the Designated Love Interest be the kind of scummy asshole that would actually try to get the heroine gang raped to run her out of the school! Then, later, when he has started to actually act like something akin to a human being, let's have her friend backstab her and get a random guy at a club to slip her a roofie and take half-naked pictures of her next to him, and then spread them around the school! And then, to top it off, let's have Designated Love Interest not believe her when she tries to tell him that this wasn't her doing and decide she must be a cheating bitch (nevermind the fact that she has never agreed to go out with him in the first place)! This sounds great, right?!

NO. No, this sounds perfectly AWFUL, what were you THINKING.

It's all the more upsetting because when the show is funny and charming, it's really funny and charming. And then they just keep throwing all this jarringly awful sexist bullshit in there. Am I seriously supposed to be rooting for this couple? SERIOUSLY???

I am told that the manga for this is just as awful, which, considering that it is supposedly the best selling shoujo manga of all time, disturbs me on so many levels I can't even begin to enumerate them.

So I was watching Mr. Brain and had this shit sprung on me unexpectedly.



SURPRISE GACKT

You shouldn't drop Gackt on people unawares, for srs. SHOCKU.

is it a bad sign when you can't stop laughing at Gackt trying to eat people? LOOK ALL I AM SAYING IS THAT THIS IS PATENTLY HILARIOUS

Ahahahaha what the hell is going on there. I think it's the expressions that baffle me the most. Why does it look like she's about to be molested by two grown men and a little boy? Moreover, why does Riou appear infuriated/panicked, and Shuuei look so very surprised? "What! I am making inappropriate moves toward a sleeping woman? How can this be!" I mean, Jin, Jin looks appropriately leering for the pose, but the other two, I got nothin'.

...Well actually, considering the direction of Jin's gaze, and the fact that we can't see his other hand, maybe he's grabbing Shuuei's ass. That would explain Shuuei.

Anyway, I was just wondering why I can't find porn with Shouka in it. I would think this was a matter of "no love for sexy old dudes," but Reishin gets love! Reishin gets porn! WHY NOT SHOUKA. PEOPLE. COME ON. SECRETLY A TERRIFYING ASSASSIN HOW MUCH MORE PANDERING DO YOU NEED HERE.

I. I desperately want porn of this man.

So I've been hearing this DRIPPING sound outside my back door! FOR DAYS. And I keep wondering what it is! And just now, I finally realized where it was coming from.

THE TREE. THE TREE IS DRIPPING. OH MY GOD THERE IS LIKE A MUDDY PUDDLE OF TREE ON THE GROUND. WHY IS THE TREE MELTING? WHY.

see more Friends of Irony

...Ep 19 of Fairy Tail. That was. THAT WAS. Quite possibly the greatest filler episode in the history of all anime.

THEY MADE BODY-SWAP FANFIC

CANON

t-tears

i'm crying

can't breathe





HANG A LAMPSHADE ON IT

I have got to make an icon of moe crying Gray I swear to god

OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD

THE NEW PH CHAPTER

A-ADA

I

I THINK I LOVE YOU

OGOD PLEASE SOMEONE TRANSLATE IT I CAN'T REAAAAAD

( spoiler )

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH screaming forever ♥♥♥♥

Because J-commercials make everything 10 times better. ...God I love Leverage.

(Also, was it just me, or was that FBI lady near the end... r-really hot?)

---

Lol @ that massive avalanche of fail in the comments on the kuroshitsuji comm. (Seriously, do not click on that link unless you are okay with getting a faceful of misogyny and transfail.) That was... special.

Just... general PSA, folks... You're not entitled to knowing what's in a person's pants. I mean, I know I've made jokes before about wanting to know what equipment I'm supposed to imagine when I envision someone sprawled on a bed (...and maybe those jokes were pushing it too far, and if so I apologize), but in all seriousness, YOU AREN'T.

And I am not even going to bother covering the "ew, girl cooties" bit, because jfc, how many times.

Translated extra tip in which Battler is a megalomaniacal pervert who has no problems making highly inappropriate passes at his own aunts and anything else that has breasts! And in which Virgilia reveals herself as a BL fan (with rather weird tastes, if you ask me) and Ronove confirms that he does, in fact, want to get in Battler's pants! Spoilers for EP5 end/premise of EP6

Poor Battler. But you deserved it. Somebody better make sure to have a camcorder on hand for the "RonoBato".

This is quite possibly the greatest thing in the history of ever.




eta: OH MY GOD, Maria's character song is PURE GENIUS. (Warning: translator stuck a repeating image of Rosa smacking Maria at the end of this, but well, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT, IT'S ROSA.)



I am going to be going "uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu~" for HOURS.

What really happened in Turn of the Golden Witch?

While attending to the family conference late in the evening, Rosa came by the kitchen and mentioned to Gohda that there was going to be a Halloween party for Maria in the chapel the next day. Thinking this was a wonderful idea, Gohda decided to make some special treats for the occasion, but because he was distracted he accidentally reached for the box marked "Tiny Food Bombs" instead of the sugar. He gave some of the treats to Rosa, who took them to her siblings. They all went to the chapel to check out the party since they'd probably be too tired in the morning, when the tiny food bombs exploded and killed everyone but Rosa, who wasn't hungry.

Later, Gohda was hanging out and he heard Jessica having an asthma attack. Rushing upstairs, he found Kanon with her and reached for her inhaler, but as he swung it over to give it to her she tripped and he accidentally impaled her in the back with it. Kanon assumed he was trying to kill her and they struggled, and Gohda accidentally pushed Kanon out the window. Realizing he was going to get in so much trouble for this, he quietly locked the window, planted a stake in Jessica's wound, and walked off whistling.

While bored, Gohda decided to show off a new knife trick he learned to Nanjo and Kumasawa. Disaster occurred. Genji suggested they blame Kanon for it so nobody would find out, and dump the bodies somewhere.

Later in the evening, George and Shannon refused to believe Gohda's claim that he was capable of juggling three Stakes of Purgatory at the same time. Upset, Gohda offered to prove it to them in Natsuhi's room. Tragically, he was not as proficient as he thought he was.

Genji called Battler upstairs to tell him everything. Battler couldn't accept this ridiculous scenario, and declared that it was more likely that a witch did it.

Beatrice is the true culprit...

...behind Endless Eight!

She didn't want her show to have any competition this season, so what better way to do that than deal with the most likely threat to the show's popularity?

And there's no way it can be mere coincidence that she knew ahead of time to have Battler counter that with Endless Nine.

* It all makes sense now. I commend you.
* Photographic proof!◊
* Either this, or because Haruhi is the one who killed everybody.

god I love this fandom


ANYWAY does anyone know where to get the sprites for these games? I especially desire The Many Faces of BeatrollBeatrice.